distance

Crouching Lion Hike

When the one you want is 4,103 miles away
take that skirt they used to love in 2011
rip along it's seams and pile the strips
tie them around your ankles
dance around your room, bare skinned
fall to the floor, roped and weeping

When the one you love is across the Pacific
build a boat, sail as far as your book will pull you
cling to the shoreline and crawl your way back
say you are sorry one thousand times
take the ropes and tie them down
tell them they are your only


So, does distance really make the heart grow fonder? My new answer is yes. The first experience I had with this phrase was when my big sister moved across the country for college. It wasn't until the week before she left that I realized that she was my best friend and had always been an example to me. Partly because I was a bratty 14 year old at the time, but partly because I realized all at once that she wouldn't be there if I grew out of my brattiness, because she was going on to have her own life. The night before she left for school, we sat on her bed until four in the morning, talking and crying, apologizing for all of the terrible things we had done and said to each other over the past 14 years.

After 19 years of living in Phoenix, I'm going to school in Hawaii, which is absolutely terrifying for me since I have never even considered moving so far away from home. It wasn't until my moving date was a month away that I realized how many people have impacted my life in Phoenix that I never thanked. Even people I had grown apart from or broken up with or gotten in a huge fight with my sophomore year of high school. I didn't realize how many things I had to say to them until I thought I might never see them again. It's not like I'll be coming home for Christmas break and hanging out with all of these people I haven't talked to in years. So I did a weird thing, very uncharacteristic of my high school-loathing self, and I went to my high school graduation with my ex boyfriend (from high school). As I walked around campus, I felt more emotion and nostalgia that I ever felt at my own graduation, only because I no longer will be in the same city as all of these people who changed my life in one way or another.

There was one person that I knew I needed to speak to, to thank for all of the things she taught me and did for me, and it was one of the best decisions I could have ever made. Distance is a strange thing. I hadn't talked to her in a year and a half, but we were still in the same city, so it was as if nothing had drastically changed. If I wanted to reconnect, she would have been there in an instant, but having her close never brought the thought. Knowing that I would be physically distant made me reflect on how crucial her influence had been in my life. This person helped me discover more about myself than I ever could have on my own, and was my world for a time in high school. Distance made me go to her and tell her how important she was to me, and with distance separating us again, I am finally understanding how important time is. As cliche as it sounds (and is), I learned how important it is to tell people you love them when you have the opportunity, and to tell them openly, honestly, and frequently.