marriage and being single

Yesterday, we were invited to spend the day at my grandparent's friend's house up in Osoyoos, BC. While eating lunch, the topic of marriage came up, and the 80-some year olds all spoke about how much "times have changed" and how it used to be that girls were getting married at 16. Our host for the day turned to me and asked when I was planning on getting married, a question I was asked dozens of times at my sister's wedding (which I was 17 at, by the way). I responded as gracefully as I could, saying I had no plans to marry any time soon. He then said, "If you aren't getting married, that doesn't leave you many other things to do, now does it? What will you do if you don't get married? Girls can't do anything without a husband."

Not only is this hurtful, but it's completely stupid, for lack of a better word. This generalization marginalizes women, and myself as an empowered and capable individual. It communicates that without getting married, I am powerless. I have heard dozens of adults, as well as members of my church in their late 20's say, "Once you hit 25, you need to start worrying." Start worrying? 25 is the prime of your life. I look at the next 10 years of my life as a time of endless opportunity. I could finish school, move to another country, start a career, all while being single. I've been single thus far in my life, and I'm happy as a clam. So, the question, what will you do if you don't get married? really should be, what can you NOT do if you don't get married? I completely invite and love the possibility of having a family and being a mother, but I'm 19, so you can't blame me for thinking other possibilities are pretty great too. I'm open to having a life partner, but I'll be okay whether this happens in the next 5 years or the next 15. I believe in the plan of families, but I don't believe in the constant cultural and religious pressures placed on young adults to date and get married. I view myself as an independent woman and despite the culture I have been brought up in, I will not allow others to place a timeline on my life decisions. I will not rush into a marriage or relationship because it's what I am "supposed to do."

Also at lunch yesterday, the couple hosting us spoke of their 35 year old son who is unmarried and "must be so unhappy, lost, and have no goals in life." It shocked me that such words could be said about their son, especially in front of guests. What is unfair is for others, strangers or family, to judge someone's spiritual and emotional place in life, and whether they are or "should be" ready for certain decisions. What is unfair is for young adults to be degraded to someone only good enough to marry someone and lean on them for personal self worth. It is wrong for someone to assume that someone is single because something is wrong with them. In my eyes, self worth is determined by one thing, which is that you are a child of God, and a human being on Earth to have beautiful experiences. I believe that these are best spent however makes you happy, whether that be within a marriage or on your own.

To anyone reading this, I hope you know that you are loved and have precious value in the eyes of your Heavenly Father, regardless of your relationship status or what path you choose to take in life. You are capable, strong, and powerful as an individual.

Canoeing Vaseux Lake, our trip to British Columbia